Is Your Guy Indecisive?

Mixed signals?

Feeling confused?

Don’t be!

If you wonder why his words do not match his actions, take heart!

The answer is simple!

Unless his ACTIONS match his WORDS, his words mean nothing.  ZERO.

So don’t stay up at night analyzing why he said he would call you but he doesn’t, why he says he loves you but he doesn’t stay in touch, or introduce you to his family and friends or make concrete plans for a future with you, why he says you are the most amazing woman he has ever met and he is thinking you have a future together, but you find out he is still pursuing other women. No matter what pretty words he speaks, just remember this very simple formula: Actions = Intentions.

Indecision is a decision. It is a decision to not commit to you.

Only a total pulling back from him, a creation of distance from him, will help him get clarity. If he misses you, and he is truly into you, he will do whatever it takes to make you his and his alone. If he is feeling indecisive, and you attempt to play the role of the convincer, which is the masculine role, you will achieve the opposite outcome of the one you desire. He will pull back even farther and become even more indecisive.

Remember, a man must pursue you and not the opposite. Your job is to stay in the feminine zone, and performing masculine- energy actions such as initiating communications or suggesting get- togethers will only drive him further away!

  Don’t muddle the works by trying to make something happen. If he misses you he will call you. He will make plans to see you. 

If he loves you, he will make a commitment to the relationship and will want to be exclusive with you.

If he is feeling indecisive, pull back. Keep busy with your life and date other guys. If he wants you he will come and get you. If he doesn’t do that , then the wishy washy behavior was your answer. His decision is not to decide for you!

NEXT!

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Does He Go Silent to Punish You?

One of the MOs of a seasoned narcissist is to deal his anger by utilizing the “Silent Treatment”. It is a passive -aggressive tool used to disarm the other person and leave them feeling uncertain of where they stand in the relationship,  as well as insecure and bewildered.

Shunning is also common, as is pulling away and staying away for days or even weeks at a time, and then resurfacing as if nothing has happened.

Know that if your boyfriend suddenly stops calling and texting and is not responding to your calls and texts, that you are being shunned, and will just have to wait it out until his mood subsides and he has decided that he has punished you enough. You may feel that this means the relationship  is over, but honey, that’s not the case at all! It aint over until he says its over! He is simply teaching you a lesson. 

The lesson is that if you question or criticize his behaviors, you will be placed into the deep freeze.

Get it?

A narcissist loves to employ this tactic. It enables him to feel powerful and in control. It enables him to feel that he is exacting punishment for whatever “crime” he feels you have perpetrated against him.

Have you dared to disagree with him?

Have you contradicted him?

Have you refused to comply with a request he made of you or criticized him for something you felt he did which hurt or betrayed you and /or the relationship?

If your guy is a narcissist then don’t expect to have a mature adult discussion about your issues. Know that a narcissist will feel threatened by any manifestation of power over him, in the form of a complaint or a questioning of his behaviors and motives, and he will often fight back, to regain his sense of control, by utilizing the silent treatment.

Needless to say, the silent treatment is a major RED FLAG and nobody should have to put up with this controlling and dysfunctional behavior.

Note to self: If he is shunning- GO Running!
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Does He Dis His EX?

JUST REMEMBER , once upon a time he was crazy in love with the "Ex" he is now bashing to you!

Moreover, the “monster”  he is describing to you today, could very well end up being YOU  tomorrow!

If your guy describes his ex -wife as a crazy psycho, chances are she may actually be a normal woman who grew so frustrated and fed up with him and his bad behaviors, and stuck it out with him as long as she possibly could, probably for “the sake of the children”, and then chose to leave him rather than go crazy.

A healthy normal man will be able to define the shortcomings in his failed relationship and to take at least some of the responsibility for it’s failure. If he places the total blame on his Ex, this is a major Red Flag! Beware of any man painting a picture of his ex as a perpetrator of endless evils.

Oh he may be charming and attentive to you now, in the pursuit stage, but sticking by this guy’s side is almost a guarantee that you will wind up his next victim, labeled by him as a traitor, a psycho, and/or a controlling power hungry  a- sexual manipulator.

Lenny expressed his total bewilderment to Betsy, as to why his wife of 25 years took his 3 young children and ran off to her parents’ home 3000 miles away, when he had been a
"wonderful and caring husband and provider"

.

Carl ruminated over the many shortcomings of his ex, Irene, who walked out on him with their two kids with no warning, and forbade him to have any contact with them.

Both men described their exes as fools, incompetents, manipulators, etc.

If you are hearing similar tales from your new Prince Charming, please ask  yourself why any women would walk out on a loving, caring, normal father of her children.

It doesn’t happen that way ladies.

Please do your research, and learn to recognize this type of talk as a RED FLAG!

Time to Walk Away

 

8 months into their long distance relationship, Joy realized that she had no idea if the relationship was progressing or not!

They didn't speak daily, he didn't even text her every day, yet when they were together the chemistry was palpable and they truly enjoyed each other’s company.

He sent flowers week after week for a month, and then the flowers stopped.

He came to town every few weeks, but often didn't attempt to make time for her until the evenings. What was he so busy with all day? He wasn’t at work...

Joy’s boyfriend sometimes alluded to a future in vague terms, but did not discuss any concrete plans. He never said “I love you”.

The clincher was when Joy invited him to spend the weekend with her and he was conflicted between doing that, and hanging out with his friend George!

Nuff said.

Betty was introduced to Robert by a mutual friend. They immediately clicked! Lots in common! Great chemistry! First kiss amazing! And then, on date 3 he told her he loved her!
Wow!

Next thing she knew, his phone calls and texts became less and less frequent and then stopped all together.  Betty was so confused! 

From “ I love you” to Nada?

 After ten days he texted her out of the blue and told her he would be in her area next week and would love to see her!

In a normal, healthy romantic relationship, the frequency of communication, and the quality of time spent together, is supposed to increase, not decrease. A man shows his interest by checking in regularly with his girlfriend and making plans to see her as often as possible.

If his interest appears to be waning, that is a Red Flag for the relationship.

An effort should be made to have a discussion of what is going on, and if the messages are still mixed or conflicting, it really is time to move on.

Don’t waste another minute not knowing where you stand!

Start Walking!

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Does He Make You Feel Flawed?

In a relationship with a Red Flag Man, you may find yourself constantly on the defensive.

Your actions and your motives will be constantly criticized.

“ Your skirt is too short, your pants too tight, the soup is too salty, the taste is not right, your friends are dull, your judgement all wrong, your morals are shady, your skirt is too long, your hair should be blonder or longer or cut, stop talking so much I wish you’d shut up.”

Both the Borderline Male, and the Narcissist Male personality types, will use criticism to keep you on your toes, striving to please them, as well as to doubt your own self-worth. 

Because they need to boost   their own fragile egos, they will attempt to destroy yours. 

To feel all knowing, important, wise and powerful, they often employ a strategy of putting you down.

If you find that your boyfriend is audacious in his critical comments and corrections of you, know that you are with a Red Flag Man and skedaddle before you spiral downhill emotionally.

The outcome of hanging on to this relationship will be the loss of your self-confidence, no matter how accomplished you may be. You will feel fat even if you are not, dumb even if you are smart and boring, even though your own friends have always enjoyed your company and laughed at your jokes.

So, BEWARE! If little criticisms and negative comments seem to be increasingly creeping into his conversations with you, step back now!

The right guy will make you feel like the most perfect creature in the world.
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