Ask Not Why He Does It - Dump Him Instead

We have always heard that the only person we can change is ourselves.

 But do we absorb that information? Do we really internalize it?

No!

Instead we fall in love with someone whose flaws drive us crazy, and then we spend our time making ourselves even more crazy trying to figure out why he does what he does!

You love your boyfriend but you are upset because he:

Is always late

He lies

He cheats

He drinks

He is emotionally or physically abusive

He disappears for days or weeks at a time and then returns as though nothing has happened

He is cheap

He smokes or drinks or does drugs

He gambles

He has double standards - expecting behaviors and virtues from you that he doesn’t display himself

You struggle to understand him and why he acts the way he does

- Why he talks to you the way he does or why he walks away from you the way he does?

You read up on personality types and what makes them tick and how you can get along with them and why they are the way they are.

You consult a therapist to figure out how to “handle” your boyfriend. ($$$)

Girl, he is not the problem! The problem is that you are choosing to be with Mr. Wrong!

Why are you attracted to him?

Why are you sticking with him when you should have thrown in the towels ages ago?

What are YOUR issues? That is the only question you should be asking,  and YOU are the only person you should be working on fixing.

If he is screwed up, yet you keep sticking with him and wondering how to make it better, then you better take a good look at yourself and ask WHY are you putting up with this behavior?

If you are are attracted to a man whose behavior makes you unhappy then please spend your time and money on trying to find out what your underlying issues are.

 Mr. Right will feel Right and you wont have to research or reform him.

Its Not Him! - Its You and Why You Want Him

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Dating Should be Progressing NOT Keep You Guessing!

If you are in a real relationship, you actually never have to have “the conversation”.

In a healthy normal relationship with a mature emotionally available man who cares about you the relationship will progress.

•  It will not stall out. 
• He will not disappear.
•  He will not shun you.
•  He will call you. 
• He will text you. 
•  He will have time for you and he will make time for you.
•  He will want you to meet his family and his friends. 
• He will proudly introduce you to the acquaintances he bumps into when out with you.
•  He will make dates.
•  He will plan for your future together.

 You will feel the momentum increasing as time goes by. 

His attentions will increase, not decrease.

He will invest in you financially as well as emotionally.

A man is a Hunter/Gatherer by nature. He is wired to do what it takes to go out there and  get what he wants and needs.

If you are what he wants and needs you will realize it from his words and actions. 

Your relationship will not be a guessing game and you will not be on the phone with your girlfriends for hours analyzing everything he did and said or didn’t do and didn’t say. 

His intentions won’t be a mystery and your relationship won’t bring you misery.

If you are not hearing from your guy on a regular basis and can not count on regular phone calls and dates, if he has not asked you to be exclusive and if he is not making time with you a priority then you are not in a relationship.

 Move on out of this situation because you are on the slow boat to nowhere

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Brenda Sassoon House & Heart

Does He Make Dates or Excuses?

The right man for you will not hesitate to see you and spend time with you, even when it’s inconvenient for him to do so. 

He will be unable to resist the pull to spend time with you and will make doing so his number one priority.

If the man you are interested in is coming up with excuses instead of dinner reservations, he is NOT  your guy!

Sometimes a man may keep stringing us along, making and breaking dates with us, because he is actually seeing someone else, and is not committed to either one of you yet, but wishes to keep his options open.

If you are seeing someone who makes and breaks a date more than twice in a row, know that his motivation level is lacking, and send him packing!

You are not to make yourself available as “filler” in his already busy schedule. You are also not to make yourself available last minute.

 You are not to be his “Plan B”.

Know that you deserve a well-planned out date, for which you are asked out at least 3 days in advance, and for which he has cleared his schedule. 

You are not a late night booty call. 

You are not a last minute quick bite to eat.

The more a man shows that he will spend time, money and effort to see you, the more you can be sure that he is emotionally invested in you and in building a relationship with you.

Do not pin your hopes on a luke warm, on again, off again level  of interest.

If you have a date but he calls to re -schedule because he promised to hang out with his brother, or he has a cold, or he is tired or preoccupied preparing for tomorrows case, he is NOT your man.

Go for the man who has set  spending time with you and ultimately possessing you,  as his highest goal to achieve.

Don't Waste Your Time on a Part Time Boyfriend!

Ladies!

You are not to be “filler”, an “option” or a “back up plan” for any man.

Any behavior from a guy which makes you feel like less than a priority is a big NO!

If you are dating someone who has difficulty making and keeping dates with you, is not calling you daily and in general is not making you a priority, then stop wasting your time.

Just move right on girl!

You are not to be on his list of options, because you are too busy living your full life and you have your own options to sort through.

Any time you make yourself available to a man who is only showing intermittent interest in you, you are selling yourself short.

If he often makes and breaks dates with you, that is a Red Flag and its meaning is “YOU are NOT #1”.

(He may be dating other girls, too busy with his work, or just plain flakey)

If you are not in first position for his attentions, then turn your fabulous self  towards other pursuits.

Do not text him. Do not call him. Do not count on him. Do not miss the chance to meet and date others because of him. In fact, forget about him entirely until he misses you, realizes how amazing you are and makes it his goal to woo and win you over and devote himself to you.

We have no time for on again/off again, wishy -washy boyfriends.

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Should You Pursue a Man? No Ma'am!!

What defines the pursuit of a man?

Do you realize that you may inadvertently be pursuing your guy and not even know it?

A man by nature is a Hunter/Gatherer! 

He is wired to go out there and procure what he needs and wants.

A woman by nature is wired to receive, and to make something out of what he brings to her. 

This is not culture, it is DNA, and it doesn’t change with the times.

The fact is that a man actually enjoys the challenge of winning over a woman’s heart, and is bored if there she is too easy to catch!

We all value what we have to work hard to get, much more than that which comes easy to us.

If we save up for an expensive sweater we have had our eye on and then shell out several hundred dollars for it, we treasure and enjoy it! We carefully fold it and place in on our shelf, taking care not to squish it or wrinkle it up. When we put it on we feel proud that we have such a beautiful sweater to wear. But, if we got that sweater at a big discount for $25, we may toss it around and not care if it winds up on the closet floor!

Human nature is such that we preserve and take care of anything that we have to sacrifice to have. 

That may be to work hard, make time for, give up something for, etc. 

Whatever we have to sacrifice in order to possess, is deemed valuable. 

Whatever comes to us too easily is not valued.

So too with relationships and men in particular.

If you are always available, or initiating texts, phone calls, making plans, making suggestions for dates, or arranging to “bump into” your guy, know that these are all pursuit behaviors and he perceives them as such. 

He may date you for a while especially if he is bored and lonely, but chances are that he will not commit to you.

I know a couple who lived together for years…. She followed him to Tokyo where he lived and worked for business, and she patiently waited years for him to pop the question while she gave up living near her family and friends and she gave up her vibrant career.

Although she told me that "a piece of paper did not make a difference", when at one point she thought that the proposal was looming she was very happy and excited to think that finally they would be getting married. 

The proposal never came. 

Instead he took her to California, bought her a car and an apartment and dumped her there. Then he met and quickly married another women (who wouldn’t dream of shacking up with a man before marriage.)

Let him do the work of pursuing you! 

When he succeeds in pursuing you and winning you over, then he will treasure you and put you on a pedestal. He will make the commitment to you because he had to work to win you over and he will never let you go!

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