Did your Boyfriend go from Loving To Angry and Critical?

Sometimes a relationship starts out amazing, and then slowly devolves.

Your new guy appears to be totally infatuated with you and draws you in emotionally with his loving gestures and words. 

He wants to see you all the time, constantly stays in touch, expressing deep feelings for you and talking about a future together because  he feels that you are “The One”.

When you are out together with friends and family, he is totally charming. Your support group is totally on board. 

This guy is a keeper!

Then, after he has won everybody over, and as you slowly start to feel secure and happy and totally into him, something begins to change.

Small criticisms creep into his words. 

He begins to take issue with things you say or do or don’t say or don’t do. For the first time he also begins to get angry at people in public. He is critical of the people in his orbit, sometimes flying off the handle unexpectedly.

Then, finally, the dynamic has changed so much that you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid raising his ire. You avoid certain topics and approach him very gingerly and delicately when you want to raise an issue which may be bothering you. And even then, even in with your most loving and gentle approach, he may explode, criticize, denigrate and challenge you. 

He may become rejecting and cruel.

What happened?

You are now seeing the Red Flags of the true nature of this person. 

He has a personality flaw. 

You cannot fix it. 

No amount of love and affection, no amount of delicate handling, will heal the inner wounds that are causing him to lash out at you and others.

He managed to keep this side of himself in check only long enough to draw you in. 

Now that he knows you care for him and are on some level committed to the relationship, he drops the mask of Mr. Nice Guy, and he reveals his inner demons.

But, You LOVE him! You WANT him! 

There must be a way to work with him. To once again find that wonderful man you initially fell in love with…Perhaps if you can avoid exposing him to people that annoy him, if you can learn to speak to him gently and softly and to avoid topics which trigger him, if you can learn which of his buttons to never push….. then you could be happy together, right??

Wrong!

This personality -disordered individual is secretly and subconsciously fighting the inner demons of his traumatic childhood. 

His criticisms and his temper are the psychological weapons he uses to keep himself “Safe” by keeping you and others in control on some level.

 His temper tantrums and issues with the world all stem from his own inner battles.

 Only therapy can help him.

The problem is that most people with the type of personality disorders that manifest these symptoms, do not think they have a problem and will never agree to therapy.

Nature has sent you the gift of the Red Flag so that you can identify the problem and save yourself.

Do not ignore this gift

.

Your only option, if you want to hold on to your own sanity and emotional well-being is to leave this relationship.

You must ease yourself out of it, see him less often, and stop returning his calls.

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My upcoming book, Red Flag Man, details all of the Red Flags we must learn to identify and avoid.

Contact me with any questions or to arrange speaking engagements.

Brenda 

callmebren@aol.com