STAY AWAY FROM YOUR CRUSH AND HIS RELATIONSHIP!

I have been getting lots of emails lately,  from women complaining to me that their boyfriends have female friends who try to undermine their relationships. 

They ask me if this is normal and acceptable.

The answer is NO.

I get emails from women who are that friend!

They are the friend of a man who is dating another woman.

They want their friend to drop his girlfriend and to date them instead, and they ask me how they can open the eyes of their male friend so that he will realize that he should be with them, rather than with his girlfriend.

The answer is – YOU CAN’T DO IT.

So to let me be perfectly clear.

When a couple is in an exclusive relationship, there should not be any female interference with that relationship.

No man should allow another woman to undermine his romantic relationship, to criticize his girlfriend, to flirt with him, or to in any way try to cause distance between himself and his girlfriend.

If he does allow such behavior he is not worth your time.

The mark of a good man is his desire to protect the woman he loves.

 If he prefers to be on an ego trip, allowing women to compete for him, you don’t need to be on this ride!

After all, if he jumps ship to be with any woman who flirts with him, then what have you got? 

You have got yourself a shallow player who you can never trust.

As for the women who want me to teach them how to show a man that he is better off with them than with his GF, this is an impossible task and it is also a ridiculous request.

Anyone who follows the RED FLAG MAN BLOG knows by now that men get turned off big time by  women who come on strong, initiate contact, romance him, pursue him,  do things for him, show up to “accidentally bump into him”,etc.  

You simply cannot prove to a man that you are better  for him than his GF.

Men enjoy and crave a challenge. They are wired from time immemorial to go out there and hunt for what they want.

Woman who throw themselves at a man hoping he will suddenly wake up and value them, or dump their girlfriends and choose them instead, are in for a rude awakening!

Keep away from men in relationships.  They are off limits to you.

Stop fantasizing about how to break up your Crush’s relationship and go get yourself a guy who is into YOU!

Exude confidence, independence and self-value.

That is the one and the only way attract Mr. Right to you.

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Don't Go Crazy Trying to Rope Him In!

Yes you SHOULD always look your best for your BF or husband.

 Yes you SHOULD work out, eat healthy, and wear nice appealing outfits!

I am not saying its ok to hang out in sweats with no makeup eating junk food on the couch!

What I AM  saying is that you have value for being the person you are, and the man who is right for you will love and adore you, and you cannot make a man love you.

Either your guy loves you or he doesn’t. 

If your guy is drifting apart from you, and you have discussed it, and nothing has changed, then back away. 

Never come on strong with extra attempts to entice and delight him. 

Do the opposite. 

Vanish!

A man must be the pursuer through every phase of your relationship. He must court you. He must call you and plan dates.

If you try to plan dates, create magical candlelit dinners or entertain and monopolize him he will be turned off and pull away.

Just be your own cute fun self and that’s it.

If your guy isn’t into you, then move right on. 

No acts of desperation. No stalking. No suggestions for get togethers, NADA.

Please don't cheapen yourself girl!

If he misses you he knows where to find you and if he isn’t into spending time with you then you don’t need him.

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You Deserve Time & Attention!

Lately I have been getting mail from women who tell me that their boyfriends no longer give them attention, don’t seem interested in them, are not into spending time with them,  are not motivated to make plans with them, and in some cases, who have actually broken up with them.

These women  tell me they are feeling frustrated and they are also confused and are wondering if their boyfriend still loves them, but may be afraid of love or afraid of showing their true feelings.  

What should they do?  They ask me.

Ladies is it very very simple and if you have been following the Red Flag Man Blog, you already know the answer.

In cases such as these the only thing that you should do is MOVE ON.

Just forget about any man who is not displaying signs of interest in you. 

There is nothing else you can do.

In fact, his behavior towards you and his attitude towards your relationship is actually the answer to your question!

Don’t replay love scenes in your mind from the beginning of your relationship or worry that he has some secret problem and may need your help and support.

Unless your guy is sending you clear signals that he loves you and wants to be with you, it is a dead relationship.

Now is the time to focus on yourself. Go to the gym, focus on success in school and at work, hang out with your girlfriends and put the boyfriend out of your mind,

If anything changes, he will come and find you, trust me.

But please don’t accept crumbs of a relationship or cling to past memories. Do not waste time on any man who is not giving you the time and attention and confirmation of his love that is your right.

Always remember that when a man loves a woman, he makes sure that she knows it. 

He cannot bear to be apart from her  and he keeps in contact and makes plans to be together.

That is the sign of a viable relationship.

I am happy to answer your questions, but you better be prepared for the cold hard truth!

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Its Only Real if YOU are His Priority!

Girls!

 Why are you questioning the intentions of your guy  just because:

 you hear from him infrequently (like maybe once a day or less)

you two don’t get together very often

he can’t or won’t make you any promises

he does not take you along on his vacations

he does not introduce you to his friends or family

he does not celebrate your milestones (birthday, anniversaries, graduations, whatever)

You feel he is keeping you at arm’s length

You should not be questioning the poor guy!

You should be dumping him instead.

Please don’t wrack your brains trying to figure out the obvious.

Unless your boyfriend is keeping in frequent contact with you, can’t wait to see you, is regularly making time for the two of you to get together and makes you his TOP priority, then that means that

He is keeping his options open, and so should you!

Save your heart and  your loyalty for the man who prioritizes and adores you.

Nuff said

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What about Dating a MUCH Younger man?

A woman wrote in recently, asking me advice about her new relationship with a man 20 years her junior, which gave me food for thought. 

We really haven’t addressed this topic in the Red Flag Man blog yet .. so here we go!

Does it make sense to date a MUCH younger guy?

My belief is that if a man is more than 10 years younger, it’s a NO WIN situation, and even at ten years of age younger than you…you are pressing your luck.

WHY?

Men are visual creatures who are attracted first and foremost to the look of a possible partner, and afterwards, if he is attracted, he looks deeper into the fabric of the woman he is attracted to.

If a man has a partner who is 12, 15, 20 years older than himself, the odds are stacked against them that he will continue to find her physically attractive (even if she is a very pretty woman) as the years go by.

Additionally,  in the case of this relationship dynamic, he may have some psychological issue going on.

Perhaps he has a need for a “Mommy figure” because his own mom was absent, distant, unloving, or rejecting, and he now seeks to fill that void (on a subconscious level ),by connecting with a much older woman.

Perhaps he is a Dependent Personality type (HELP!) who will latch onto an established older woman and expect her to provide for him emotionally as well as physically, by housing him, paying his way, etc.

 And of course, another risk is that a man in his 30’s or 40’s or 50’s will eventually take note of his contemporaries’ partners, who are most likely in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. He will then look at his own partner who, if she is around 20 years or so older than him, will one day look more like his mom than his partner, and eventually lose interest in her physically, even if he is able to maintain interest in her friendship.

Is that a risk we need to take? NO.

Are there exceptions to this?

Maybe…

The late actress Mary Tyler Moore was married  to a man 15 years her junior who faithfully stayed by her side for 33 years until her death at age 80.

Nevertheless, if you ask my opinion if it is a good idea to hold high hopes for this type of relationship, my answer would be NO GO!

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Feel free to ask me whatever! I will always try my best to help!

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If He is INTO YOU he will Call and Spend Time with You!

So you want to know why you aren’t hearing from your boyfriend since he left town to spend time with his family?

Why doesn’t he call more than once a day?

Why doesn’t he text you and check in with you throughout the day?

Its bugging you like crazy that he appears too distracted and too busy to want to communicate with you…you have been an “item” for a while now, so why the disappearing act?

Ladies, please don’t make demands that your boyfriend check in with you and show you that he is interested in how you are doing.

News Flash! – He’s NOT that interested

A man who is interested can’t bear to be out of contact with his lady. That’s just how it is.

A man in love just has to spend time with, talk to and keep open the lines of communication.

If he leaves town and keeps you guessing, its time to pull WAY back in the relationship.

If you make requests or demands for him to keep in contact, this is a form of “chasing behavior”.

Chasing is the very worst thing you can do in a relationship as the natural response to being chased is…

You guessed it!

TO RUN AWAY.

Do yourself a favor. Get busy with your own life and let him worry and wonder why he isn’t hearing from you!

If he is into you he will do the work and if not….NEXT!

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