Don't Chase Him!

If it feels like your boyfriend has been drifting away, creating distance, seeing you infrequently and making lame excuses why he is too busy to spend time with you as much as he used to, you may be tempted to dream up new and creative ways to draw him back towards you. 

Of course this is your prerogative, but it’s a bad idea.

Never try to reignite his desire by doing anything at all that can be perceived as “chasing”.

If a man has become distant and aloof, do not engage in any of the following “chasing behaviors”:

Calling him

Texting him

“Accidentally” bumping into him

Asking his friends what he is up to

Inviting him over for any purpose

Emailing him interesting articles

Dropping into his home or place of work because you “happened to be in the area”

In fact, if your man has drifted away, the best and most positive course of action is to do nothing at all.

Go on with your life and start dating and socializing as much as you can.

By doing that, you may either ignite his interest again (although why would you want it?),

or find yourself in a great new relationship, which is way more fun that racking your brains trying to lure a disinterested man back into your orbit!

Replace him! Don’t Chase Him!

Happy Hunting!

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Give Him the Gift of JUST Being You - Unless he is YOURS Nothing Else Will Do!

When a man is truly interested in a woman, it will be obvious to her because he will be carving out the time from his busy day to make contact with her, and will see to it that he spends quality time with her as often as possible. 
He will not let more than a day go by without reaching out to her to let her know he is thinking about her.

He will be calling and texting her.

He will be making dinner reservations, buying flowers and planning trips with her.

He will be introducing her to his friends and family.

He will be buying tickets to the concerts and shows she wants to attend and buying her thoughtful gifts and cards for Valentine’s Day, her birthday and for no special reason at all.

When should a woman start spending her money and her time to please a guy?

When should she be puttering around her kitchen making his favorite gluten free deserts?

When should she shell out for that designer belt for his birthday?

When should she introduce him to her family?

No matter how cute he is, no matter how attracted to him she is, unless he is showing “investing behavior” in her,  no woman should be investing her time or her money on a man.

In fact, if she does it will come off as stalkish and needy and will be a turn- off to the guy she likes!

A man is a go-getter by nature and if she is the object of his desire, he will do whatever he has to do to show her how he feels and to make her feel special and wanted.

If you find yourself exhibiting more pursuing behaviors than your boyfriend does, then back off now! 

Step back from those behaviors. 

If he is interested in you, you must allow him the space to move towards his goal (you) and he cannot do this if you are lunging towards him with dinners, designer ties, text messages and cute emogies. This will push him away, and turn him off, not to mention that he doesn't merit  any of this unless he is investing time and money in you!

In short, those behaviors are to be reserved for the man who is striving to sweep you off your feet. If he isn’t working to sweep you off your feet, sweep him under the rug and move on!

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Spy on Your Guy? - Don't Bother to Try!

If your instinct is to reach for your guy’s cell phone when he is out of the room, to check and see who is has been texting, who he has called, and who has called him, then the relationship is carrying a huge RED FLAG!

You should never ever feel a hint of doubt about where your guy’s loyalties lie, and if you do- then he isn’t the one for you!

If your guy is giving you mixed messages by being affectionate and attentive one minute, and then distant and unresponsive another minute, you may quite rightly harbor doubts about what he is doing and thinking. You may feel inclined to “spy” on him or  “stalk” him a bit.

 That behavior is needy, clingy and a huge turn off!

 Avoid the temptation to behave like that!

Trust me when I tell you that this is a very unhealthy dynamic.

If you have any reason at all to doubt your boyfriend’s loyalty towards you then please pull back now. 

Pull way way back. 

That means NO texting him. NO calling him. NO emailing him.

 It means that when he calls you, DO NOT always answer and do not immediately respond to his texts.

If he is into you he will take the cue that you are less available and less interested and he will come forward and pursue you with all of his wonderful male energy. 

But if in fact he is less interested than before, he will be relieved to feel you are in his orbit less. 

This is the best and only way to find out where you stand, short of confronting him - which also makes you appear suspicious, insecure and needy.

If you feel the need to spy on your guy, distance is the route you must try!

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YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! DON'T DATE ANOTHER WOMAN'S HUSBAND!

Today I will state the Obvious.

DON'T date a MARRIED MAN!

Why is it that it is a turn off when we hear that a man is still living in his parents house?

Maybe he is a young man who is temporarily living at home while he saves money for the house or apartment of his dreams.

Why is it not a turn off to you that a man is coming on to you, but going home to his wife each night?

If a man is heading home to his wife at the end of your date, cut bait and move on right now!

You must respect your self enough to realize that you deserve to be more to a man than a dalliance.

More than a distraction entertaining another woman's bored husband.

You actually deserve a man who is so into you that he is planning a future with you. 

A REAL future, not just your next hook up.

No matter what a man says about how  unhappy he is in his marriage, how horrible his wife is, how difficult or impossible it would be to divorce her, if you are settling for dating another woman's husband than you are displaying a terribly low level of self-esteem as well as poor judgement.

Is he married but separated?
Are the divorce papers filed?
Has he given you a date by which time he will be free?

None of the above is great, but at least there may be potential for a future with a man who can honestly say those things, however, if you are in the arms of a married man who leaves you and returns to the home he shares with his wife- GET OUTTA THERE NOW!

We don't wast precious time. The time it takes to forge a relationship that can result in the life you want.

 It is a process.

The building blocks that forge a real relationship are built with shared experiences over a period of weeks and months. Unless you want the empty life of a mistress with no prospect of her own husband and home life, without respect, without her own family and her own place in society as a wife/mother, don't waste precious time servicing the needs of a married man.

Why sacrifice your own needs and wants just to be a "fidget spinner" for some unhappy or bored married man?

Even if you are having a dry spell in your dating life, finding it difficult out there, do not close off your options and do not lower your standards by having an affair with a married man who will never be your husband.

We date to marry.

Realize that if you have chosen to be in a relationship with another woman's husband, that you are a person with serious issues and you require therapy to help you gain an awareness of the issues that cause you to settle for the crumbs of life rather than going for the Trophy,

Your job is to cut bait with the married guy and head on over to the therapist.

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Narcissist Boyfriend? RUN AWAY NOW!

Are you experiencing this in your relationship?

Your boyfriend disappears for days - no contact
He seems to lack empathy towards you and others
He goes silent
Your boyfriend thinks HE is always right
He is most energized when he receives attention from others
He loves you when you do things "right" (his way) and he pulls away when you do things "wrong" (not his way)
He doesn't strive to make you happy or to do the things you want to do - it has to be his way all the time
He has a sense of entitlement
Your boyfriend doesn't play by the rules. He may lie, cheat, steal - Rules don't apply to him because he is the King of the Universe
He has a Jekyll and Hyde personality - switching back and forth between them and keeping you off balance, on guard, and walking on egg shells around him
He may put you down, using verbal or even physical abuse to dominate you and keep the power in the relationship
He may be very needy and dependent on you, all the while criticizing almost everything you do

If this sounds familiar, then you are most likely in a relationship with a Narcissist.

Trust me, this does not improve or go away, it only gets worse. These people are usually not aware that they are doing anything wrong and they are not open to any type of relationship therapy because, of course, they are always right!

This is a psychological condition brought on by early childhood traumas and the narcissist is not even aware of why they are the way they are, nor are they aware that they are doing anything wrong.

They will avoid self reflection and prefer instead to direct their corrections at others, rather than themselves, always playing the Blame Game.
Can  you have a happy relationship with this guy?
NO
You may have a fantasy of what the relationship should/could be and the fantasy may be based on how your boyfriend initially behaved with you met him and he was in pursuit of you.

Please understand that that phase of your relationship is now over, and all you will experience from now on is hurt and pain.

RUN don't walk away from this RED FLAG MAN!

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Ask Not Why He Does It - Dump Him Instead

We have always heard that the only person we can change is ourselves.

 But do we absorb that information? Do we really internalize it?

No!

Instead we fall in love with someone whose flaws drive us crazy, and then we spend our time making ourselves even more crazy trying to figure out why he does what he does!

You love your boyfriend but you are upset because he:

Is always late

He lies

He cheats

He drinks

He is emotionally or physically abusive

He disappears for days or weeks at a time and then returns as though nothing has happened

He is cheap

He smokes or drinks or does drugs

He gambles

He has double standards - expecting behaviors and virtues from you that he doesn’t display himself

You struggle to understand him and why he acts the way he does

- Why he talks to you the way he does or why he walks away from you the way he does?

You read up on personality types and what makes them tick and how you can get along with them and why they are the way they are.

You consult a therapist to figure out how to “handle” your boyfriend. ($$$)

Girl, he is not the problem! The problem is that you are choosing to be with Mr. Wrong!

Why are you attracted to him?

Why are you sticking with him when you should have thrown in the towels ages ago?

What are YOUR issues? That is the only question you should be asking,  and YOU are the only person you should be working on fixing.

If he is screwed up, yet you keep sticking with him and wondering how to make it better, then you better take a good look at yourself and ask WHY are you putting up with this behavior?

If you are are attracted to a man whose behavior makes you unhappy then please spend your time and money on trying to find out what your underlying issues are.

 Mr. Right will feel Right and you wont have to research or reform him.

Its Not Him! - Its You and Why You Want Him

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Dating Should be Progressing NOT Keep You Guessing!

If you are in a real relationship, you actually never have to have “the conversation”.

In a healthy normal relationship with a mature emotionally available man who cares about you the relationship will progress.

•  It will not stall out. 
• He will not disappear.
•  He will not shun you.
•  He will call you. 
• He will text you. 
•  He will have time for you and he will make time for you.
•  He will want you to meet his family and his friends. 
• He will proudly introduce you to the acquaintances he bumps into when out with you.
•  He will make dates.
•  He will plan for your future together.

 You will feel the momentum increasing as time goes by. 

His attentions will increase, not decrease.

He will invest in you financially as well as emotionally.

A man is a Hunter/Gatherer by nature. He is wired to do what it takes to go out there and  get what he wants and needs.

If you are what he wants and needs you will realize it from his words and actions. 

Your relationship will not be a guessing game and you will not be on the phone with your girlfriends for hours analyzing everything he did and said or didn’t do and didn’t say. 

His intentions won’t be a mystery and your relationship won’t bring you misery.

If you are not hearing from your guy on a regular basis and can not count on regular phone calls and dates, if he has not asked you to be exclusive and if he is not making time with you a priority then you are not in a relationship.

 Move on out of this situation because you are on the slow boat to nowhere

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Brenda Sassoon House & Heart