You Can Talk But He won't Listen - Meet the Narcissist Boyfriend

Do you find yourself trying to explain yourself over and over again to your BF?

Perhaps you have been unjustly accused of an unsavory motive or your actions have been criticized by him yet again, so you again attempt to carefully go over your deeds, thoughts and actions in an attempt to explain them all  and to get him to see the “real you”. 

You are on the defensive now, trying to prove to him that you are really a well-meaning, well intentioned great girl and not the liar, gold digger, manipulator or cheater that he is insinuating you might be...

Has your boyfriend given you a list of your “offenses” and demanded an apology from you, just when you have called him out on a behavior that hurt or confused you? 

If you have not done anything to apologize for, and are feeling baffled by this new wrench in the conversation, don’t be!

This “Table turning behavior” is a hallmark of the Narcissist.

The Narcissist cannot bear to see himself fully and clearly and can certainly not bear to perceive any wrong doing on his own part. He cannot accept responsibility for any wrongdoing and he cannot apologize…Therefore he must switch the mode of the conversation, turn the tables and place YOU on the defensive, rather than explain or apologize for his misdeeds.

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Did your boyfriend sweep you off your feet with grand gestures, proclaim his love almost from the outset and begin making elaborate plans for your future at breakneck speed? 

This is classic narcissistic behavior and is designed to rein you in before you have a chance to experience his true nature and his darker side. The side which needs to maintain control over you and everything else in his environment. The poor fellow cannot feel safe unless he is in total control and it takes every bit of effort, in the earliest stage of your relationship, for him to feign flexibility and largess. 

This stage does not last long and it belongs to the “Get the Girl"phase of the relationship.

In that blissful, initial “Get the Girl “ phase of your relationship, when he is working hard to procure you, he will flatter you incessantly. He will wine and dine you. He will shower you with love and attention and make plans for you two to be together, permanently, ASAP.

Ahhh.. if only this dreamy phase would go on forever…

For it is quickly followed by the “devalue the girl” phase, once he has won your heart and you  have become vulnerable to him. 

That is when the criticisms and accusations against you will begin. If he can weaken your ego and make you feel worthless, than he can more easily control you, doling out the praise and goodies when you “deserve” them, and withholding then when you don’t.

You will try to defend and explain yourself to him but your words will fall on deaf ears for he cannot internalize the thoughts and feelings of another. You will find yourself scurrying around trying to win back his favor, even though you have no clue why you lost it!

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If you have met a Narcissist, then just when you are convinced that your prince has finally come along and you two are about to ride off into the sunset, he will burst that bubble.

Quite simply, once he has you he can no longer keep up the charade of the MR. NICE GUY veneer.

His veneer will crack and so will your heart, if you aren’t careful.

When encountering a prince on a white horse swooping you up in his loving arms, please stop and evaluate the situation realistically.

This behavior is classic Narcissitic behavior and if you fall for it, you will suffer greatly.