Has your boyfriend disappeared like a poof of smoke?
No more texts coming in from him?
Is he not calling you, returning your calls or texting you back?
Are you confused or even worried, because you two have NOT broken up, yet he is not communicating with you?
Welcome to THE SILENT TREATMENT!
This is a nifty little method which some people utilize to avoid dealing with an uncomfortable or inconvenient issue which has surfaced.
It doesn't mean that he has left you.
He is not necessarily gone for good, he is simply using this tactic to gain control and distance.
Your boyfriend either doesn't want to deal with a subject you have brought up, an argument that is awaiting resolution, a topic that needs addressing but may be stressful, or a commitment that you need from him.
He also may be using the silent treatment to punish you for a "transgression" he feels you have committed against him.
Your boyfriend quite possibly may be using this space he has created to go out there and check his options.
THE SILENT TREATMENT - How convenient!
An additional benefit to him is that the silent treatment throws you off balance, makes you squirm, makes you miss him and with any luck, may even put you into the mindset that any contact from him, after a dry spell like this, is preferable than this torture, ensuring you will be sure to be on your "best behavior "in order to prevent the possibility of him going missing again! (Oh boy! He is in control now!)
A healthy normal male will never ever employ this tactic.
He loves his lady and prefers to establish a sense of harmony and safety in the relationship.
A healthy male partner encourages his lady to tell him what is bothering her. He is working toward, not running away from commitment. If he offended or upset her he seeks to right the wrong, not to disappear for days at a time.
If she offended or upset him, he is capable of expressing his upset in a non confrontational way, and he has no need to "punish" her.
Be aware that the disappearing act is NOT normal acceptable behavior in a relationship and is not to be tolerated. The one thing we don't want to do is to accept such behavior and allow unhealthy patterns to form.
So what to do if your guy has disappeared for a while and then resurfaces as if nothing has happened?
I suggest meeting with him in person and explaining him that you are more than willing to communicate about whatever is bothering him, but that you are not prepared to be in a relationship with a partner who thinks it is acceptable to cut off communication with you.
If he is not cool with that, skedaddle! Your man is a Red Flag Man.
Further insights on this and other Red Flag topics will be found in my soon to be completed book:
RED FLAG MAN by Brenda Sassoon
I welcome your questions and comments!
Stay tuned for more!
No comments:
Post a Comment