Are You a Love Option

Are you a love option?

Rob came on strong, hot and heavy right from the get-go.

He was reaching for Betsy ‘s hand and smothering her with kisses on date #1.

In 4 days they saw each other 4 times and each time was more intense and exciting than the last.

Betsy and Rob had lots in common and also a strong physical attraction to each other.

Could this be "THE ONE"??

He told her he was in love with her on date #3!

However, he mentioned that he felt they should still date others…. After all, they had only just met, he was newly divorced and he felt he owed it to himself to explore his options.

He is an out of towner and was headed back to his home town, several hours away by plane.

The first time they spoke on the phone after he had gotten back home, he told her he had to return very soon to see her because he would miss her too much.

In his next call he said he wasn't sure when he would be able to get back to her area..

Fortunately, Betsy had been following my blog and also consulting with me on how to identify Red Flags in any new relationship.

I encouraged Betsy to take everything Rob said with a grain of salt and to keep her options open for business.

Rob’s enthusiasm seemed to wane in the following weeks as his calls stopped and his texts petered out.

He was obviously keeping busy somehow..

Betsy kept busy with work and life and also continued to date others. She never initiated any contact at all with Rob.

Then, magically - his texts started up again! He would soon be back in town. Could they get together? He would “love to see her”.

Betsy remained polite but demure.

She would be” pretty busy “at the time he would be in town, and she would have to “see whats happening” by the time he got to her area again.

Betsy had a great grasp of the red flags here. Rob’s erratic behavior also struck her as arrogant.

Was she going to be his “make out date” whenever he was in town?

  NO WAY!

Once a man proclaims his love for a woman, if he is serious about her, he must focus on her and only her. He must set out to win her over. If he is still looking over his shoulder to see the next best thing coming his way, then he is not serious, not to be trusted, not focused on her and not ready to commit. He is a player.

Be very cautious about getting caught up with a man whose words and actions do not line up.

Remove yourself from the equation.

Is it Real When He Comes On Too Strong, Too Fast?

Often we come across the “Master of the Mixed Message” who leaves us reeling, confused and unsteady on our feet because his signs and signals don’t match up with his words and actions.

Don’t fret! 

It only takes a few days, less than a month for sure, to discern this Red Flag!

He may flatter you with his attentions. Surprise you with his pronouncements of love and his vision of the future – all within the first week, and then disappear with nary a warning the next week.

This is an erratic individual.

Please realize that too much too soon is not a sign of love at first sight. It is a sign of instability.

A couple may be instantly attracted to each other, yes! They may immediately realize that they would really like to pursue this thing and see where it takes them, yes! However, if he tells you he loves you on date 3, and then you don’t hear from him for a day or two on day 6,7,or 8, you will find yourself wondering :

what happened? 

Does he still have feelings for me?

 Is he dating someone else?

 Does he have 2^nd thoughts about us?

 Did he fall for another woman?

 Did he fall out of love with me as fast as he fell in love?

 These thoughts are all very troublesome and uncomfortable.

The real truth is that when a man is crazy about a woman he doesn’t let a single day go by without contact, and nobody is too busy for a quick phone call or a text.

No woman should have to find herself in a position of feeling her head spinning from such mixed messages:

“He loves me, He is gone”

All women should take this Red Flag very seriously. If a man says and does too much too soon, you must force him to slow down and maintain a steady pace,  and you must not take his words seriously at all, unless and until you see that his actions match his words and he is in regular contact with you, remains interested and is busy making plans to see you again as soon as possible.

You can learn all about this type as well as many other Red Flag Men, in my upcoming book. 

Meanwhile, subscribe to this blog to learn as much as you about the Red Flag Man!

Love History Is Important! What Would His Ex Tell Us If She Could Warn Us?

Dating should be like Buying a Car

Think of all of the valuable information we could have if only we were able to speak to HIS ex!

-          If we could “check out the merchandise” before putting down our money (heart).

Though there is a valuable wealth of information in the form of Red Flags, which I have made my mission to educate women on, it may not always be enough.  With a chameleon that can change his colors at will, and appear to become what the lady of his dreams is seeking, info from an ex can be invaluable!

Had my friends and I had info from our own exes, here are some of the tidbits we would have known, before the damage was done:

“He is dangerous”

“He has a violent temper”

“He is so controlling and volatile that I had to take my younger kids and run away to my parents’ house”

“He never showed much motivation with work, I used to wonder how he would pay for the nice lifestyle I knew he loved”

“He is a womanizer who cheats”                                    

“He has a drinking problem”

“He is emotionally abusive; his treated his own mother just terribly”

“He is bi -polar”

“His parents are in control of his finances”

“He is a liar”

“He is cheap”

“He gambles away his salary”

“After the wedding night he wasn’t interested in our intimate life”

Had all of us had the above information prior to making our commitments to our exes, trust me, life would have been much easier!

Although I would not suggest that you reach out to an ex- wife or girlfriend, I am totally cool with using any and all connections you may have to get as much information as possible.  I do believe in dodging a bullet whenever possible.

Buyer  Beware!