Sunday, December 24, 2017

PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR IN DATING/RELATIONSHIPS - WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET


A recurring behavior or action, in response to a certain type of situation, or trigger, is a pattern of behavior.

We all have patterns of behavior.

We may make a resolution to lose weight, and then go on a diet and exercise regime, only to slack off after a few weeks, and we may do this every few months or every year.

We may leave tasks that must be done by a specific date until the last minute, and then race around trying to accomplish what we need to accomplish and promise ourselves that next time we will plan ahead and schedule our tasks and errands so that we won’t be in a last minute crisis.

We may spend our pay check too quickly instead of socking away some savings, even though we promised ourselves we would be sure to set aside a percentage for the savings account.

If we find ourselves repeating this situation over and over… we have a pattern of behavior. 
Soon enough we realize that this is our style and we can’t or won’t change it. 

We can expect to procrastinate. 
We can expect to try diets and then not stick to them, etc.

It’s no different in a romantic relationship.

Patterns emerge. They are there to stay.

If you are dating someone whose response to a stressful conversation is to walk out on you, or raise his voice, or issue dramatic proclamations that he doesn’t really mean like “ we should stop communicating”, or “we need to take a break”, instead of calmly discussing the issue with you, then you have a pattern in your relationship.

If your boyfriend drinks too much when you go out with friends, if he always eyes other women, if he spends too much or too little, if he forgets important occasions or worse sabotages them, then those are patterns. They will not change.

Just know that whatever he is promising to do, or to change in regards to a pattern of behavior that he has exhibited, and which bothers you, is most likely never going to change.

These behavior patterns are stemming from deep seated buried emotions which are usually the result of early childhood situations. The patterns emerged as a subconscious means of self-protection.

Ex: "I will walk out on her before she leaves me like my mom always did."
"I will save my money rather than buy her a present for her birthday because my parents didn’t buy me presents."
"I will drink too much so that I can “act out” and not be accountable for my actions, just like my dad did."

The psychological sources for our behaviors are so powerful and exert such a strong hold on us, that unless we are self-aware enough to realize we have a problem, and see therapeutic help, we are doomed to continue to repeat them, never realizing that they are NOT a justified means of responding to life’s current situations, but are simply acting out of our hurt inner child.


Look good and hard at how your honey is handling what life throws at him. 
What you see is what you get. So make  sure that you can live with the patterns exhibited, before you sign on the dotted line.

I welcome your questions and comments.
Please follow my blog, subscribe to it, share it, and hang tight on cause my upcoming book, 
The Red Flag Man 
is coming soon!

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