CLOSURE - Do We Really Need it?

Ahh that elusive element - Closure.

Sometimes we find ourselves unable to move on emotionally after our romance has ended, even when a significant amount of time has gone by, because we are longing for the one missing element that we believe will empower us to do so.
We believe we need "closure".

If we have experienced a toxic relationship, with an abusive or personality -disordered man, or if we have been cheated on, or lied to, or whatever the fatal issue was, we still may find it very hard to let go emotionally. 
We may tell ourselves that we could do so, if only we had "closure".

But really, what does that mean?

What it means is that we are still waiting for something from the very person who failed to give us what we needed in the first place!

The relationship ended because we discovered betrayal.
We discovered dishonesty.
We experienced emotional or physical abuse.
Perhaps we discovered that he is married! 
He was never available in the first place!

So we end the relationship, on some level. We stop seeing him but we don't stop obsessing over the details of the story, analyzing it a hundred times and playing it out in our minds over and over again with every conceivable different outcome, like a script not yet written.

What we must realize is that we do not need anything from an individual who has wronged us. 

If the issues that arose were powerful enough to break us apart then we must realize that the issues themselves are the root of the closure .

 We must use our painful experience to move on emotionally  towards a happy healthy new relationship.

Putting ourselves in the position of waiting for anything from Mr. Wrong, is an unhealthy and impractical solution to an unsolvable problem. 

We must empower ourselves, and not Mr. Wrong.

Waiting for an explanation, apology, or excuse from him just weakens us all the more, while assigning him power over us.

Instead, realize that you are the prize and he has just lost it.

Hit the gym, hang out with your friends, write out your thoughts and feelings in a diary and stay far away from any thought of texting, calling or "bumping into " him in search for answers to questions which, if we are really honest with ourselves, are self explanatory.

The flaw lies in him alone.
Be glad you missed a bullet.