TMI Destroys your Allure! Stop Giving out Private Information!

Men tell me that when women reveal too many personal details about their private lives, former relationships, sexual escapades and childhood traumas, it is a HUGE turn off!

Men are attracted to women with a bit of mystery.

You should NOT  be an open book!

Please don’t spill your guts about how your last boyfriend abused you, or the steamy details of your intimate life. Don’t regale him with your relationship mishaps!!

 He will perceive you as a ship- wreck and trust me, he doesn’t want to be your life preserver.

Ladies, the man you have a crush on is not your friend. He is someone you are hoping to attract to you romantically.

Save the details of your old love stories for your girlfriends. A man doesn’t want to read the last page of the book before he starts it.

Let him learn about you little by little. Keep yourself every slightly out of his grasp emotionally as well as physically and let him work to earn the right to spend more and more time with you and to get to know you better and better.

Please don’t dump your dirty laundry on him!

 Be elusive :

 When will she be available to spend time with me?

Why can’t I keep her on the phone for as long as I like?

 Be mysterious :

 I wonder what it will be like to finally kiss her/ make love to her/ be her boyfriend?

  Was she affectionate with others as I fantasize she will be with me?

It is the desire of a man to desire you!

His desire is fueled by the attraction and then the slight frustration of never getting enough of you.

Nothing quells the fires of his desire for you faster than hearing about how you cried for days when your last boyfriend dumped you/stole money from you/lied to you/mistreated you.

YOU are the illusive, sought after princess that he would be lucky to win over and call his own.

Keep that in mind at all times my girls!

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Why Not an "Open" or "Poly" Relationship?

Lately I have been getting emails from women reporting that they have been in “open” and or  “poly” relationships, and now they want to know how to get the guy to commit to them and them alone!

The answer here is - It'S TOO LATE!

These type of relationships are unhealthy in my opinion, and can lead to low self esteem, loneliness and desperation.

A man is wired from time immemorial to go out there and hunt/gather and to father as many offspring as possible. He will happily hop from bed to bed until someone snares his heart.

A woman is wired to receive what her man brings and to create a home with it. 

She is wired to seek a stable male who will be a good provider for the children they will bring into the world, and she is wired to connect emotionally when she connects physically, which is nature’s way of ensuring an intact family unit will emerge.

Societal norms do change, but the wiring remains the same.

Therefore a woman can only end up miserable when she tries out love with multiple partners because she will invariably wind up loving and wanting monogamy from one of them.

Ladies, do not waste your time and your energy and your young years with “open” and “Poly” relationships! 

Love isn’t a sprint through an amusement park with different rides and games.

Love is about finding a partner to connect with and share a life with.

When you get yourself involved with multiple partners and treat sex as a sport, the man will go along for the ride and will have a great time for sure! 

 However you will end up sad and lonely and wondering why he is not content with focusing solely on you?

And the answer is, because you allowed your body to be just another option.

He never had to work to win you over.

As I have pointed out over and over in my blog, a man values that which he has had to work hard to acquire.

 A women handed to him on a silver platter is of no value to him and winds up cast aside for a “real” challenge.

Wise up girls!

MOVE ON from MR. WRONG!

If you have ever gotten sucked into a toxic GO-NOWHERE  relationship, unable to see it for what it really was due to the blinders permanently stuck over your eyes – this Blogs for you!

Have you loved a man who didn’t deserve that love? 

Who was unable to reciprocate it? 

Who was unavailable emotionally or practically because he was married?

Have you allowed yourself to be strung along ad infinitum hoping that eventually things would change and he would wake up and see you as the love of his life and jump through hoops to make you his?

When a woman finds herself loving a man who is undeserving of that love she must take two quick actions:

Seek therapeutic help

Get the hell out of the relationship

It is urgent that you not waste a single moment more on a dead end relationship.

What you see is what you get and if you are not getting the love, attention, commitment and investment that you deserve, then you must force yourself to see reality.

Wasting the preciously few days, weeks, months and years that you are still a young and attractive hottie on a man who can and will never be your Mr. Right,  is the wrongest move you can make!

The right man will devote time and attention to winning your heart.

The right man will sacrifice to have you.

He will invest in you.

 He will walk proudly with you and be proud to call you his woman.

He will shower you with love and affection.

In short he will work hard to make you his because he values you.

That’s how you recognize Mr. Right!

Now go for it!

Do You Let Him Know You Like Him? Not So Much!

Here’s a question I keep getting FROM MY READERS:

 HOW DO I LET HIM KNOW THAT I LIKE HIM?

My first answer is: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?

If there is a guy in your orbit that you are attracted to, and interested in, but he hasn’t displayed any interest in you at all, then guess what?

 HE IS NOT INTO YOU.

If he was into you, you would know it, trust me.

I am not a believer in letting a guy know that you are interested in him, because I believe doing that will have the opposite of the desired effect.

It most probably will push him away.

A man is wired from time immemorial to hunt and gather. 

To go out and get what he wants and needs.

If a female takes on the role of stalking her prey, by going after a man, it kind of takes the wind out of his sales!

 It does not entice him.

 It does not excite him.

Even knowing all of this, the readers of my Red Flag Man Blog still want to know:

 “Yeah but how can I let him know I like him?”

If you want to indirectly indicate to a guy that you are into him, that you are open to his approaching you, then my suggestion is to make eye contact with him, give a small, mysterious little smile (think Mona Lisa), and then lower your glance and look away.

This method delivers your message while keeping you classy and alluring.

 It invites him to do the work of pursuing you, based on that one tiny little, but unmistakable hint.

Do this only ONE TIME. 

That’s it.

 He now has received and processed the message that you like him.

But please, please, don’t do anything more than that!!

Don’t hand him your number.

Don’t stalk him.

Do not “accidentally” on purpose run into him!

Project to him and to the world that you are high value.

Your attention is in demand.

You don’t have time for just anybody and everybody because you are busy, discerning,  and you have high standards.

You are around him because you work or go to school together, but you are not necessarily available to him.

If you have already made the mistake of flirting with him, trying to make conversation with him, or God forbid, asking him out, then STOP immediately, back off and ignore him!

He will have to do the work to get your attention and to find out if you will accept him in your life.

At school or in the work place, just be your usual cute, warm, smiley self.

It really is enough.

Let me know how it's working!

I always answer!

What to Do if You get Downgraded to FRIEND?

Any time a man changes your status from lover to friend, its time to get yourself OUT of the relationship pronto!

Remember, this is a rejection of you as someone he is sexually attracted to!

 It is a down grade of your relationship status and it is an insult.

Why would you hang on and accept this?

Women must at all times project self worth.

By accepting whatever terms he says he wants, just to cling to a man at some level, any level, communicates the message that you are desperate to be connected to him, and will settle for whatever relationship crumbs he has to offer you.

If you are looking for an exclusive monogamous loving relationship, then you must keep that goal in sight at all times and do not accept or waste time on anything that does not match up to that goal.

You do not have to exhaust your limited emotional energy reserves, by engaging in “friend” interactions with a man with whom you have had, or want to have, a romantic loving relationship with, but who does not at present want that with you any more. This is a drain on the energy needed to focus on getting out there, looking and feeling your best, and connecting with men who ARE interested in you romantically.

Do NOT waste time analyzing his inner thoughts and motives and trying to project what possible beneficial outcome might ultimately result by staying friends with a man that you love and want more with.

In fact, the one and only motivation for such a man to re- kindle his lost sexual attraction to you, is for him to feel that he may lose you. 

If  and when he realizes that you have moved on, and that other men are interested in you, a sense of urgency may kick in, and he might just reevaluate his feelings towards you.

In general, a woman who hangs around waiting and hoping for friendly feelings to morph into romantic feelings, is wasting her valuable time.

Any woman who is with a man who is dragging his feet about commitment, month after month, year after year, is also wasting her time, big time!

The hunter/ gatherer instinct that each and every male possesses in his DNA from time immemorial, is lulled into complacency by that which is easy to come by.

 The male wants and needs a challenge. 

The male wants and needs to work for his target (you).

 He enjoys his reward only if he has had to strive to achieve it!

It is the elusive Doe peeking from behind the bramble that gets his attention, and not the road kill lying there for the taking on his street!

You want your man to feel a sense of urgency! 

You want him to feel that you are valuable and desirable, and that if he doesn’t step up his game, then you will be snapped up by some other lucky dude.

So please don’t serve yourself up on a platter to any man by being overly available, accepting terms for a relationship that don’t suit you, accepting any bad or thoughtless behaviors, or accepting no commitment from him if at least 6 months has elapsed since you began dating.

Listen to his words. 

If he tells you he is not ready or that he wants to be friends, get your game on, and get out of there! 

Throw a smile on your face, (you may have to “Fake it till you make it”) and make yourself available to the many worthy loving men out there in the world just waiting to meet you.

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To SEND Raunchy Pics or NOT to Send? That is the Question

Lately I have received emails from women wondering :

Is it a good idea to send their BF a “raunchy” pic of themselves?

If you have been following the Red Flag Man Blog, you will guess the answer I would give to that one!

It’s a Resounding NO!!

It is always a bad idea to send naked pics of yourself, never mind “raunchy” naked pics, to a man (or  anyone else for that matter).

Suggestive, alluring, sexy pics which do not reveal too much skin the best way to go!

When to send such pics?

If you two are in a long distance situation, it’s a nice idea to very occasionally send your guy the gift of a tasteful, alluring, sexy pic of yourself- One that does not reveal  any private body parts but has just the suggestion of what’s under wraps and waiting for him.

To the wife or girlfriend whose guy is far away for a period of time, do send him a pretty, tasteful , sexy pic of yourself with just the hint of what he is missing.

This is not a good idea if you and your BF are seeing each other on a regular basis because it comes off as very pushy, needy and overly flirtatious. 

Remember, I want you always ever so slightly aloof and unobtainable, not grabby, needy and overly available. Not coming on too strong!

Whats wrong with sending overtly sexual “raunchy” photos?

He will enjoy them right?

The answer is yes he will enjoy them, and he will also get bored with you, and  lose all respect and interest in you!

Men want to be attracted enough to enjoy the challenge you present and they want to pursue and conquer you. They do not want to read the last chapter of the book before they start the first page.

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Stay classy!

Strong Women Shoulder On!

Ladies, don’t let any man get you down in the dumps!

Remember, with hindsight you will see that the man you thought you wanted to be with, was never the right one for you anyway.

No depressions please!

No staying in bed for days!

No endlessly analyzing:

 What happened?

 What went wrong?

 What you did wrong?

None of that behavior! 

It’s a waste of precious time and energy.

No planning revenge.

No “accidently “showing up where you know he will be.

No trying to change his mind!!

No stalking on Facebook!!

You don’t have time for all that. 

You are too busy with your full, interesting and busy life, even if that means you are home watching Netflix!

Toss your hair over your shoulder and shoulder on!

Never look back!

Put on a smile, get out there and make eye contact with the men you pass by on the street, in class, when you are shopping…

 Allow yourself to connect to your inner vixen and Never Forget -

 Things can change in a heartbeat!

 Any minute, Mr. Right will enter your world.!

Your job is to be ready for him by being open minded, available, sweet and feminine.

That’s it!

Go for it!

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