Do Relationships Come with Warning Signs?

Yes!

We are not victims; we are exercising our option to get involved with Mr. Wrong.

No, people don’t come with warning labels, but they do come with warning signs, namely, Red Flags.

My upcoming book Red Flag Man will educate women on how to recognize and interpret the warning signs always present, so that they avoid plunging into no -win relationships that will end in heartbreak.

- Lauren went onto a Dating site and was messaged by Jay, who promptly informed her that they were meant to be and that he was going to "Rock her world"

. Flowers and limos soon appeared at her door and pressure to commit to Jay after two weeks of knowing him began to mount.

Why the hurry? (what did he have to hide??)

Instead of running for the hills, she allowed herself to be drawn in by his grand gestures and ended up in a quickie nightmare marriage with an explosive, deranged lunatic, requiring expensive expert legal help to extricate herself from.

- Besty was introduced to Carl by a mutual friend .She noticed that when she mentioned his name to people who knew him well, they became uncomfortable, nervous or silent. Some of them mentioned that he had anger issues.. but that didn't jive with the romantic warm hearted man she thought she was being swept off her feet by, and whisked away on trips with, so she ignored those murmurs and plunged right in, only to find herself controlled, lied to, betrayed and ultimately broken hearted.

- Rebecca wasn't overly impressed with Fred when she met him. He seemed to be an underachiever stuck in a time warp, but she was lonely and felt she had nothing to lose. She allowed herself to be drawn into a mediocre relationship but felt this was better than nothing. She went on to waste 4 years of her time trying to get him to clean up his act, stop smoking dope and progress their stalled relationship. Then she finally gave up and convinced herself she was better off alone.

- Gina was warned by several people that her new boyfriend was well known around town as a player who cant commit to any women and who is always looking over his shoulder for "the next best thing". She convinced herself that with her things would be different and that she had attributes those other women didn't posses. Its been two years and he still cant commit to signing on the dotted line. He cites the fact that she has children as the obstacle in his path to commitment.

Hey, didn't he know about the kids from day one?

What do all these ladies have in common? They were all exposed to all of the information they needed, right from the start, to avoid the hurt and disappointment that they all went on to experience.

 The savy girl will read Red Flag Man and will learn to decipher the language of the Commitment phobe, the signs of the Passive Pot Head, the Unobtainable Dream Boat and the Borderline Personality, as well as many other Red Flag types.

Stay tuned as I give you some pointers on those sweeties best avoided, each week in my Blog!

When  should we Cut Bait and Move On in any relationship, Friend or Love Relationship?

If you find that you must constantly work to keep the peace between you.

If you must constantly work to keep another person interested in you.

If you find yourself frequently on the defense.

If you are walking on eggshells.

If you are feeling used, or abused.

If you feel an imbalance in the relationship in terms of who is doing/giving their share emotionally,and/or financially

If the relationship is stagnant because he can’t or won’t move you two forward to commitment, then it’s time to ABANDON SHIP.

Know that you cannot change another person. 

  You can sometimes inspire a healthy individual to be motivated to change the way he relates to you, but you cannot fundamentally change anyone except yourself.

Change comes from within.

When you read my upcoming book Red Flag Man, you will learn to recognize the signs of a hopelessly irredeemable relationship, and if your guy falls into the category of a "Red Flag Man", you will gather your strength, know that someone better awaits you out there, and Move On.

Dishonest? Bully? Let Him Go!

Recently an acquaintance of mine suggested a match for me. On paper he seemed great!

Yippee!

She gave him my phone number and not two minutes later, he called me!

We had a nice long conversation and he was very enthusiastic about flying to Florida to meet me in the near future.

However, because I am now hyper -alert to “red flags”, I replayed the conversation over in my mind a few times and decided that this man is a Red Flag Man.

Here is what tipped me off:

We discussed our child hoods and the anti-Semitism we  had both suffered at the hands of the neighborhood bullies.

He told me that as a kid, he always proudly wore his kippah on the subways to school each day, despite the fact that the other kids would taunt and threaten him.  That sounded brave to me, but on the other hand, he also related that he would regularly get into fist fights, and brawls with the bullies, and had several times gotten his nose and bones broken.

He mentioned he would have liked to come to see me sooner, but was dealing with his lawyers, who he “always had around”, helping him with his current two court cases.

We discussed our work, and he described his work MO. What he does, he explained to me, is seek out houses to “make money off of”. To do this, he targets run down, distressed and under- priced houses which he rents with an option to buy. He then overstays his lease, but does not go through with his option to buy the house. The owner is forced to take him to court in an effort to evict him. He then accuses the owner of not disclosing some flaw in the house, and a settlement is made.

He mentioned in passing that he always leaves himself an “out”.

This information was interspersed with his description of himself as a charitable, religious and likable fellow who loves to vacation at top notch luxury resorts.  He is a man who keeps himself physically fit and who has a good sense of humor. He is a successful entrepreneur who seeks a connection with a loving partner.

In short, here is a guy who in part, sounded perfect for me, however, I am not interested in a person who engages in what I consider to be dishonest business practices. I also picked up on his confrontational style and, considering all the above, decided to pass on this guy.

In truth, in took some years of training to be able to pull apart the various strands of this conversation and to isolate and separate the “Red Flags” from the nicer elements of this person.

My upcoming book, Red Flag Man is intended o educate all women on how to instantly spot and avoid the heartache and disappointment they inflict.