RED FLAG MAN
The
Mama’s Boy
The Mama’s boy is that guy who is quite obviously over-
involved with his mom.
A telling sign of mental health in a man is independent
living with healthy levels of family contact and interaction.
It is healthy if he
makes his own decisions.
It is unhealthy if he has a compulsion to consult with Mom
before making basic life choices such as “what shall I order for lunch?” “where
shall I go on vacation?” or “shall I continue to date this girl?”
While it is admirable when a man is respectful and
considerate of his mom (and all of his family members), it is another matter
entirely if he is overly connected to and compelled to include his mother or
consult with his mother, in his daily life. It is a RED FLAG if he takes it to
the extreme by including his mom in his dates, allowing his mom to interfere
with his relationship or sharing details of his intimate, private life with her.
Can your
boyfriend make an important purchase or decision without consulting his mother?
Does his
mother wind up sometimes coming along on your dates?
Does he
discuss the intimate details of your relationship with his mom?
Does his mom
have a green light to drop in on him/you two, unannounced?
Does he
compare you to his mom?
Does he
mention his mom’s style of dressing, cooking, working out, etc?
Is he
capable of committing to you despite the fact that you may not represent his
mother’s ideal choice of a mate for him?
A man who has not been able to coast along without the constant
interference, approval and consultation with his mother will not make a good
husband or boyfriend in the long term.
The primary focus of a boyfriend or husband is supposed to
be on his partner, not on pleasing his
mother.
It is important that an adult partner is one who has launched. Visiting the nest occasionally is fine but
running back to it or constantly seeking guidance from his parents is an
indication that he is not fully functional as an adult. Most importantly it
shows that he is not capable of running his own household or heading up his own
family, as he lacks the self confidence to do so.
If your boyfriend wants to bring his mom along on some of your
dates, live with or in very close proximity to his mom, regularly prioritize
his mom’s needs and desires over yours, this is a big RED FLAG.
If this is the current situation, it is more likely than not
to remain that way.
YOU are not going to change this dynamic.
Change comes from within a person and not from the pressure
or demands of another. Even if he agrees to change the dynamic in order to keep
you around, the change is unlikely to last unless he goes for therapy, and even
then, there can be no guarantee.
The old adage “What you see is what you get” should be kept
in mind if you are involved with a Mama’s boy.
Don’t accept second place. If he is a Mama’s boy, leave with
grace.
