RED FLAG MAN
The Mama’s Boy
The Mama’s boy is that guy who is quite obviously over- involved with his mom.
A telling sign of mental health in a man is independent living with healthy levels of family contact and interaction.
It is healthy if he makes his own decisions.
It is unhealthy if he has a compulsion to consult with Mom before making basic life choices such as “what shall I order for lunch?” “where shall I go on vacation?” or “shall I continue to date this girl?”
While it is admirable when a man is respectful and considerate of his mom (and all of his family members), it is another matter entirely if he is overly connected to and compelled to include his mother or consult with his mother, in his daily life. It is a RED FLAG if he takes it to the extreme by including his mom in his dates, allowing his mom to interfere with his relationship or sharing details of his intimate, private life with her.
Can your boyfriend make an important purchase or decision without consulting his mother?
Does his mother wind up sometimes coming along on your dates?
Does he discuss the intimate details of your relationship with his mom?
Does his mom have a green light to drop in on him/you two, unannounced?
Does he compare you to his mom?
Does he mention his mom’s style of dressing, cooking, working out, etc?
Is he capable of committing to you despite the fact that you may not represent his mother’s ideal choice of a mate for him?
A man who has not been able to coast along without the constant interference, approval and consultation with his mother will not make a good husband or boyfriend in the long term.
The primary focus of a boyfriend or husband is supposed to be on his partner, not on pleasing his mother.
It is important that an adult partner is one who has launched. Visiting the nest occasionally is fine but running back to it or constantly seeking guidance from his parents is an indication that he is not fully functional as an adult. Most importantly it shows that he is not capable of running his own household or heading up his own family, as he lacks the self confidence to do so.
If your boyfriend wants to bring his mom along on some of your dates, live with or in very close proximity to his mom, regularly prioritize his mom’s needs and desires over yours, this is a big RED FLAG.
If this is the current situation, it is more likely than not to remain that way.
YOU are not going to change this dynamic.
Change comes from within a person and not from the pressure or demands of another. Even if he agrees to change the dynamic in order to keep you around, the change is unlikely to last unless he goes for therapy, and even then, there can be no guarantee.
The old adage “What you see is what you get” should be kept in mind if you are involved with a Mama’s boy.
Don’t accept second place. If he is a Mama’s boy, leave with grace.
